she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The struggles of a small town man whore
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
