I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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