Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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