Yo dont text me then not text me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
