I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
