he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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