Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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