Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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