Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I did not marry a roomba.
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