i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
