I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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