I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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