Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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