hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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