benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My ATM looks so different sober.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
