We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
