he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
