I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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