I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
