You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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