you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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