Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
