Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
