Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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