i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
