...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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