i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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