Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
