Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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