and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
