hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
