i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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