The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
