Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
