had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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