Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
