my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
