I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
