You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
