I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
