im six kinds of drunk right now
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
