My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize