how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
