Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize