the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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