holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
