He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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