You're so nebulous sometimes
her vagine was all disorganized.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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