I wanna bring you to show and tell
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
