Tell her she can't have a vagina
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize