I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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