Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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