I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
