my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The power of my boobs compel you
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
