Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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