Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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