So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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