sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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