So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
