I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
