6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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