Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
