Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
