Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
