new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
