My friends, they love my intelligence
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
