She announced her abortion via fbk
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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