So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
