Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
