I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
