I have demons in me.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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