u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
