Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
