just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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