turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
