I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
