I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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