I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
