It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
