OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
