Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
