I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
worst night to have a conscience
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
