it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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