So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
