So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
