Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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