it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
