i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
