I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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