I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
