i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
