my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Acid is not a monday night drug
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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