Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
