he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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