1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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