got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
