I wish I could punch you in the face.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
