I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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