How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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