even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
