Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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