New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
