it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
