I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize