oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
